BY TOBI YUSUF
No matter who you are or what you represent, you must have tasted the goodness of love at one point in your life. Love is sweet, but doing what is required to keep the love sweet is what many find difficult. Interestingly, submission is one of the key requirements for keeping love alive. Furthermore, although men desire it more and society demands it of women more, men also submit to the women they love in one way or the other. But I digress…
Despite the definition of submission and who it is required of in society, that word and what it stands for are being abused in our world today. You find narcissists (and there are quite a few of them out there) defining how their partners should submit to them, as if they are dating/married to an underage person who lacks basic understanding! I hate to be biased, but I dare say the moment a person begins to define how you should submit to them, it has turned to full-blown servitude.
So, here are two signs that show that submission has turned to servitude.
It is forced and bereft of freedom: You cannot claim to love someone yet force them to go against their will. The moment you begin to coerce someone into doing something against their will and it is not positive reinforcement (but geared towards massaging your ego), you have become an emotional bully and they, your slave. Further, as much as you tend to drop some attitudes once you’re in a relationship, you are not supposed to lose your will altogether. As a matter of fact, your relationship becomes more exciting when you know that your partner is different from you in some (if not several)ways, and they are free to do what interests them, however,r not to the detriment of your relationship and person. But the moment you are being forced or begin to force them to bend to your will, servitude sets in.
They are controlling: When you begin to monitor your partner’s movements, disallow them from doing what makes them happy, even though their actions are not distorting your life and relationship, you are controlling. And the moment you become controlling, it becomes servitude.
What do you do if your partner is demanding submission at all costs? I outline some points:
Guard your peace!
If you feel disrespected and enslaved, make it a point of duty to have an open and honest conversation with your partner; let them know the way you feel.
If they are willing to work on themselves and the relationship, please join hands to make it work.
If all of the above do not work, please do seek counselling – that is why I am here. It is my joy that you, your loved one(s), and indeed your relationship prosper, and I am open to supporting you as necessary.
Next week’s topic is going to be nothing short of amazing, can’t wait to share it with you. Do keep an eye out for it!
Tobi Yusuf, founder of RIAH Events & Weddings, Relationship Mentor, convener of Love Connect – a community empowering couples and singles to build meaningful connections.